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Thursday, March 22, 2007

Ask the Ayatollah: Questions of Sex, Islam and Wood Alcohol

The Ayatollah Khomeini laid down the rules for the good life. It is OK for Muslims to drink methanol and denatured spirits according to the Ayatolla:
Industrial alcohol used for painting doors, tables, chairs, etc., is clean if one does not know it was made of something inebriating.
On the other hand, it is not OK to get divorced all the time:
Divorcing a menstruating woman is void.
There are some dietary laws too:

It is loathsome to eat the meat of a horse, a mule, or a donkey if someone has had coitus with the animal.
Elsewhere, the Ayatollah explains that it is OK to have sex with a chicken, but one must not eat the chicken. It is OK to serve the chicken to someone else however. If they ever open a KFC in Tehran, don't eat there.

Now we understand why Iranians are so fanatical. They are fighting to preserve their superior way of life -- and to make it your way of life. You better study up on this, as many people insist it is the wave of the future.

Ami Isseroff

The Ayatollah's Book Of Etiquette

Posted on Thursday, February 10, 2005. From "A Clarification of Questions," by Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, published in 1985 by the Westview Press. Khomeini's treatise sets out his position on 3,000 questions of everyday life. Translated by J. Borujerdi. Originally from June 1985.

64. Evacuation is unlawful in four places. First, in dead-end alleys. Second, on the property of a person who has not given his permission. Third, in a place assigned to a specific group of people, such as some schools. Fourth, over the graves of the faithful, if it would be considered disrespectful.

107. The whole body of an infidel, even the hair, the nails, and its wetness, is unclean.

112. Industrial alcohol used for painting doors, tables, chairs, etc., is clean if one does not know it was made of something inebriating.

120. The sweat of a camel that eats unclean substances is unclean.

125. When a clean object touches an unclean object and one or both are wet enough to convey that wetness to the other, then the clean object becomes unclean. But if the wetness is not enough to reach the other, the clean object does not become unclean.

145. If a host, while eating, realizes that the food is unclean, he must inform his guests. But if one of the guests realizes this, it is not necessary to inform the others, unless his relations with the others are such that as a result of remaining silent he himself becomes unclean.

462. Divorcing a menstruating woman is void.

464. If a woman begins menstruating while praying, her prayer is void.

2,054. These are the major abominable dealings. First, selling real estate. Second, butchery. Third, selling shrouds. Fourth, dealing with base people. Fifth, dealing between the morning azan and the onset of sunshine. Sixth, choosing to buy and sell wheat, barley, and the like as one's occupation. Seventh, entering into a deal involving the purchase of a commodity that another person is about to buy.

2,622. Eating locusts caught with the hand or by some other means is lawful after they are dead. It is not necessary that the person who caught them be a Moslem or that he mentioned the name of God when he caught them. But if a dead locust is held by an infidel and it is not known whether it was caught alive, it is not lawful to eat it, even if the person who caught it says that he caught it alive.

2,629. It is not unlawful to swallow the food that exits from between the teeth as a result of flossing if one's nature has no aversion to it.

2,631. It is loathsome to eat the meat of a horse, a mule, or a donkey if someone has had coitus with the animal.

2,637. Several things are loathsome (abominable) when eating. First, eating while satiated. Second, excessive eating (it has been said that the God of the World dislikes a full stomach more than anything else). Third, looking at other people's faces while they are eating. Fourth, eating hot food. Fifth, blowing at what one is eating or drinking. Sixth, waiting for something else after the bread has been put on the tablecloth. Seventh, cutting bread with a knife. Eighth, putting bread under a container of food. Ninth, cleaning the meat stuck to a bone so that nothing remains on it. Tenth, peeling fruit.

2,858. The prizes that banks give to encourage borrowers, and those that institutions give to encourage buyers and customers, are lawful. The thing that sellers put inside their merchandise to attract customers and increase buyers, such as gold coins in boxes of shortening, are lawful and of no concern.

2,874. It is not unlawful to introduce a man's semen into the uterus of his wife with devices such as suction cups.

2,882. When the preservation of a Moslem's life rests on grafting an organ from a dead Moslem, severing that organ and grafting it are acceptable

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