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Friday, December 11, 2009

Breakthrough Report: Israeli peace initiative to give Palestinians a capital

Report: Israeli peace initiative to offer Palestinians a capital
An unnamed official source in Jerusalem has informed us that Israel is about to make the Palestinians a generous offer for a capital city in the framework of peace negotiations.
"We are going to make this proposal to get the peace talks going, so the Palestinians do not feel so bad about having to give up their demands for a settlement freeze and stock in Israeli high tech companies," the source said. "We understand that such gestures are needed to advance dialogue, and in view of our unbreakable bond with the United States, we want to help President Obama, who has been so helpful in advancing suggestions for peaceful compromises that Israel should make," the source continued. "Likewise, we do not want to lag behind the Europeans, especially the Swedes, who have been so generous with Israeli concessions."
"What we are proposing is that the Palestinians will get a part of Stockholm as their capital. The idea has been broached with Palestinians and they are not averse. Stockholm is a Muslim holy place. According to a 2000 nanosecond - old Muslim tradition, the prophet Muhammad tethered his flying horse on the Kungsholmgatan when he had to make a rest stop in his journey to heaven. We are sure that the Swedish government, especially Mr. Carl Bildt, the Swedish foreign minister, will gladly make this minor sacrifice for peace," the official noted.
"The big advantage of this plan is that Stockholm consists of different islands, so it will be relatively easy to divide it up between the Swedes and the Palestinians," the official pointed out. "If the Swedish government should nonetheless object to this excellent plan for advancing the Palestinian cause, we warn them not to try and drive a wedge between Israel and the Palestinians on this issue. Divide and conquer will not work here. .
U.S. State Department officials were excited about the new proposal. "This is certainly in the spirit of the Nobel prize that President Obama got for not being Geourge Bush. The United States is always happy to back a peace plan that involves concessions from others," a high official commented.
Ami Isseroff  

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